Ooh, I could crush a grape

If you've ever fancied having tea with Stu Francis (special requirements: a bunch of grapes - this'll mean nothing to you unless you were a child of the 1970s and watched Crackerjack), then check out Supper with the Stars. Can't quite work out if this is a piss take or not, but if it isn't, I'd love to know how much they charge...

Oh, and while you're about it, have a look at the Hitman website. Absolutely nothing to do with food (although I guess it could come in handy if you had a terrible meal out somewhere and wanted revenge...), but ridiculously funny.